He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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