I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
