Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
