I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
