1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
