Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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