marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
