you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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