and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Two words: blizzard sex
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
