i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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