Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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