this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
