Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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