Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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