Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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