i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
