i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
