i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
