I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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