I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
