We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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