when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
