Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
