I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
