angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
