You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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