shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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