What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
