After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
