he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
how drunk are you?
Several
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
