Rock
Scissors
Fuck
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize