It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
