her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
