I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i've created a new STD.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
