I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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