he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
pop tarts are not kleenex
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize