Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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