A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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