operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
