I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
