So drunk its hurt
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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