Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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