Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
