I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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