this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
they're like a gay fantastic four
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
