my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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