Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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