Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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