They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
