thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize