His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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