My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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