Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
