I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
