hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
