You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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