Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm at about main and main street
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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