so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
