i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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