Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
