I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
time to smoke my breakfast
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bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
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I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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