is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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