Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
