dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
