there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
