dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
