I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
