Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think my nap took me to another dimension
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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