I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
