and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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