Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
