The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
