my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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