Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
