yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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