He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
