I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
