You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
