You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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