Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
