i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
